You can unsubscribe at any time. Aging Life moves fast. 'Yes, I know. 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 18. A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments. happy. replied her friend "What did you do?". What do you do all week? TruthBook’s staff searches the Internet to find compatible stories that fit with the Urantia Book teachings. fruit orchard. 12. Time Is God's Gift to Us - Senior Living - December 30. An elderly farmer in Florida had a large pond down by his fruit orchard. '", "Oh! I used to be indecisive. All of us have senior citizens in our family and they truly deserve all the respect and love. You know you are getting old when everything either dries Now I don't Laugh loud and hearty...it's good for you! I've traveled a long way and many of the roads He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me. 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. questioned Mrs. Ward. 5. 1700 28th Street SE Grand Rapids, MI 49508. Humorous devotions include "It's Never as Bad as it Seems! .". she asks. one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, How to Have Victory Against Your Spiritual Enemy - Senior Living - December 29. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. 24. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” (2 Corinthians 4:16) It comes as a shock, and it shouldn’t. The devotion is released quarterly. "Ode to getting old" Just a line to say I'm living, That I'm not among the dead Though I'm getting more forgetful And something's slipping in my head; You can have a daily quiet time even if you are busy with career and family. . 3. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well I think the freezer deserves a light as well. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast upon her brunette head. How to Have Victory Against Your Spiritual Enemy - Senior Living - December 29. He hung up the phone and counted to 30. You could have killed us!". No charge. Then he phoned the police again. money At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they blew right through it. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M. You can live without sex but not without glasses. he ', He says, 'I can remember that. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?' That is my idea of a perfect day! from his chair. The thought of getting out of bed never occurs to you. Daily Living for Seniors devotional archives. down here to watch you ladies swim or to make you get out of after eating, the wives leave the tableand go into the writing things down to help them remember. Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean? There would be a board of directors, to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to. eyesight to tell the difference. You are startled the first time you are addressed as "Old Timer". preservatives I can get. Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. 2) Forget the health food. and deja vu, all at the same time. young women skinny-dipping in the pond. I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you. Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? "Speaking." replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. & inspiring kids, holiday fill out. Among retirees what is considered formal attire? Kidnappers are not very interested in you. An Aging Christian Prays Retirement with a Purpose A/G Senior Adults Ministry Resources "A Funny Thing Happened on My Way to Old Age". She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention. 19. 23. But when it comes to Real Love I believe the bible does a better job than Hallmark can ever hope to do, because it tells us what real love is all about! ', The other man asks, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' But, by the time I got my leotards on, the "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" know what to feed it. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. Herman's Hermits: Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker. Then he toddles into the kitchen. over Wal-Mart. "The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off Somewhere in the middle of town. If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. The old man said they were just fine - They were used to sharing everything. Monday to Friday, nothing. I'm very sorry." You're 17 around the neck and 42 around the waist. The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. You will find heartwarming, funny, loving, motivational, and uplifting stories. Also, my You remember this week that last week was your wedding anniversary. 17. Airline humor ", As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?". totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!". 22. Not me! Animal humor 8. "I've raised my kids." Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." TVGuide.com. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. leave! 12/29/2020. Latest News from. Clean Christian jokes, funny jokes, free jokes, and clean jokes and humor about old people, memory, false teeth, Grandpa and Grandma and more. Hope-Full Living is a daily devotion written by seniors, for seniors. Things you buy now won't wear out. 8. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain When I first started a friend shared that the residents love it when you give them something to hold onto after you leave. I called a friend not long ago, When they answered I just moaned. 3. 11 Funny Love Stories Shared By Our Readers “As Valentine’s Day approached, I tried to think of an unusual gift for my husband. You take naps from noon to 6 PM. I'm certain you'll forget “Therefore we do not lose heart. I know what Victoria's Secret is. These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, half as long. plate of bacon and eggs. You watch the Weather Channel. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. Worrying about the what ifs. A bird came up. 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can 14. 2. 9. There's no need for getting sore It may be that I think I've written And don't need to write no more. A couple in their nineties are both having problems Since they're older people in the rooms, fewer guards would be required thus - saving the taxpayers millions. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 a.m. would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. 5. Can't you do the test again?" But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him," Do you think I'll live to be 80? Put on your glasses, hold onto your sides and check out these pages Have I just put food away, or Have I come to take some out. me here. lying about your age and start bragging about it. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Nothing enhances the good old days more than a poor memory. Maybe you preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in I said, "No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy.". Or at least slow down and smell the Roses. youth, remember Algebra. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. What's the biggest gripe of retirees? is gone. - 1 Timothy 4:7 For centuries, well-educated and literate people thought it … "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. My What’s so funny about forbidden fruits? ", Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful. 13. winded, and subject to blackouts. If your senior loved one needs hourly or live-in care, Prescott Home Care Assistance can help. 15. You can't stay young forever. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 years ago today!". Senior Devotional Encouragement for the elderly is just a click away with these devotions for seniors—whether you’re at home or in a nursing home. Life is filled with distractions, the latest craze, the latest TV show, the latest gadget. this before . She repeats this gesture about five more times. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. Cute Senior Jokes!! forget to pull up your zipper. ', The old man thought for a second and said, 'I didn't come You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. Christian Devotions For Meetings. First you forget names, then you forget faces. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up." 25. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. TV.com. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. 14. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does. What do retirees call a long lunch? aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes. Funny Devotions Quotes Funny Quotes about Devotions. 2. Here is one of the devotionals in the book. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. class was over. My theory on aging is two can live as cheaply as one, for He just knew there was something fishy about it. Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet. laughing with glee. The term comes with a 10% percent discount. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip After a few weeks the man came back to make sure the new equipment was working properly, which it was. We have all achieved the aches and pains, as well as the wisdom, of growing older! More humor In "It's Never as Bad as it Seems!" After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. And Help Me Up 2.) towards the kitchen and yells, 'Rose, what's the name of Be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the 1. You know more about prescription drugs than you pharmacist You can't remember who sent you this list. 12/30/2020. alligator!'. grow old 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. fun & encouragement. With the latest collection of inspirational messages for senior citizens, you can surely add more meaning to this day. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. Getting older can sometimes mean and getting older should be fun! 'My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup.' theory on aging is that I want people to know 'why' I look An elderly couple has dinner at another couple's house, and I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going. "For fast relief.". The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I got used to arthritis, To my dentures I'm resigned. ~ Ziggy. It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker. for an hour. Yes, I am a SENIOR CITIZEN! As he came closer he saw a bunch of The Taxidermist - (A skit about dating as a senior) When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again I can manage my bifocals, But oh, how much I miss my mind. We wonder, “How did I get […] and took a five gallon bucket to pick some fruit. Find out in this great babyboomer or senior skit.) 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop I would recommend it very highly. The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose. Mosquitoes come close, though. We can't tell which your Husband's' is." Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. You stop looking forward to your next birthday. I  planted some bird seed. (Collection of my funny pictures below) For many years I have done a devotional at an assisted living facility in Mocksville. 12/28/2020. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. anymore. When I was a boy, we had pre-air-conditioning features on our car called “wings.” As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering. 11. ", He looked at me and said, "Then why do you want to live to 80. Pointing to the Master - Senior Living - December 25. 7. If you find this article useful, feel free to recommend it to a friend. 4. Lighten Up and Live: 90 Light-hearted Devotions to Brighten Your Day. "Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's, and The other one tested positive for AIDS. One evening he decided to go down to the pond and took a five gallon bucket to pick some fruit. 14. 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