I’ve been communicating that this was important to me for a few months. Get on Groupon and find an adventure. In your situation I think I would try to get out and have fun myself instead of hoping he will provide it. 5 Therapist-Approved Tips To Get Your Relationship Through Any Rough Patch. Stop saying I need this or that or how nice if we had this or sigh about not having whatever. Relationships can be difficult, and the majority of couples go through ups and downs as they determine whether they are compatible for the long haul. It runs in my family as two of my cousins, one in Canada and the other in US. He says that he’s trying so hard to love me but that nothing is ever good enough for me and that I’m never satisfied. EDIT: Thank you so very much for all of the perspective you guys provided. Saving a relationship takes work, but it's possible. A healthy relationship or marriage can be hard work and even the strongest and most solid couples can experience tough times now and then. Have you also listened and attended to his needs? We did a year of long distance - over 1,300 miles of separation. Also thinking about my partner makes me realize I have flaws too and then I feel less demanding of him. There is literally nothing more important to do than nurture your relationship. We struggled with casual drug use. You're feeling unloved. A good reason why your relationship has hit a rough patch is because both of you are not working towards the same goals. That's rough. A major factor for a lot of rough patches is that couples don’t know how to show their love for one another. I describe people as plugs. He does everything you ask but the next day your bucket will be empty again. We struggled with my mental health instability rocking our lives and relationship. I think he is very tender and that I do critique him more than is necessary or helpful. My husband and I like to cuddle, share a laptop, and look at houses or laugh together while browsing memes. We have had a similar year. What a healthy relationship timeline is supposed to look like. He tries so hard to love me and make me happy. Holy cow that’s a good partner you have. I want to plan and him not complain or negate my plan. I'm kinda in a different place now with my husband. Replace with "this time/for just one minute". Congratulations to both of you for how much love you are able to share. In a relationship there are plenty of rough patches that you have to deal with. Maybe they were initiated by that trauma, who knows. We got to see how each other are in difficult times. He's brought it to my attention for the third time, that when I leave he gets really confused about our relationship. If external factors are affecting your relationship, then it's more than likely that you and your partner are just experiencing a rough patch, according to Emily Mendez, MS EdS, a mental health expert and psychotherapist. However, Parker adds, "keep in mind that if these signs don’t all apply to you, it doesn’t automatically mean the relationship isn’t worth fighting for. Think about it this way. It’s like research: some experiments work out and some don’t, but you're still gathering data the whole time. Lots to talk to my therapist about. There are ups and downs and every day life, learn to accept it and roll with it. ... we carefully read through and analyzed some psychological studies and gathered a list of 11 rules of long-lasting love. And to be honest, those relationships probably weren’t the healthiest or the happiest. It lasted a long while; I want to say about a year. I find that when I feel "righteous" I tend to neglect my partner and become selfish, and that worse for us and our relationship. We've had a rough patch a couple years ago. Or is it time to cut your losses and move on in separate directions? Currently doing long distance. Reading this is really heartbreaking. Thank you so much /u/chocobean. He believes in me and believes in my dreams. I got open heart surgery. Try living a full life without him always having to join in (and encourage the same for him). Just do little nice things as often as you think about the stress, do a nice thing instead of worry. My wife couldn't handle it and decided to leave. Some of the things you've posted: you sound like my SO and your SO sounds like me. Relationship advice for getting through a rough patch Five tips on how to travel over a rough patch on the long and winding road that is your blessed union. I can and will work on not criticizing him so much. My partner had stresses of his own back when we went through a rough patch. Getting your needs met is much harder. I really love to go to nice restaurants and though he did in the beginning, he’s not into it as much any more so I go out with a girlfriend once a week or so. He sees me as nagging. As I am having time to reflect and read these generous responses, I am realizing that it is my unhappiness with myself that is causing a lot of this. And, for de Marneffe, the way to navigate through these patches is emotional vulnerability. They have great books too. If the second, why don't you propose better dates? Hope you have a break from all that bullshit now for the rest of your life. Sounds like depression man. Though I’m not meaning to. She was diagnosed with cancer a few months after and it really helped us grow up. My first marriage was destroyed by a rough patch after just two years. This means you have been actively nurturing your marriage throughout your lives together. This is tremendous. I feel unloved and unromanced. Tell me about your rough patches. I nearly lost the love of my life because I was so preoccupied with chasing ghosts I didn't have time to hear his silent cries for help. Which often helps unleash what you want, anyways. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. In “The Rough Patch,” de Marneffe gives advice for tackling a variety of major relationship demands, including one of the biggest issues for many couples: money. It got even harder for me after having a kid but it's so important. Identify Bad Behavior. How long do rebound relationships last? It took her about a year for everything to sort itself out and for life to get back to normal. Because I'm not leaving and neither is he. About a year into our relationship my husband (then boyfriend) lost his father to suicide. It was facing reality with honesty instead. Sometimes it can feel like you’ve been going around in circles about the same subject over and over and perhaps even seem like it might be easier to just throw in the towel rather than stick it out. If you and your partner are willing to work together, not all hope is lost. It sounds like a lot of the time, you are expecting your SO to fulfill many needs. It wasn't a relationship rough patch per se, but my wife had some serious health problems right around the time we started dating. "Certain life stressors, like the loss of a job, can strain a relationship," … Could you explain this theory a bit further? Rough patches usually occur when something in the relationship is causing a disconnect. Plan something yourself. It's important to remember: "this too shall pass; it's just a bad season in your relationship" (disclaimer: in many cases, it will pass provided you work to make it pass). Whatever. Just whenever I am about to say something negative just stop. We did a great workshop through the Gottman Institute. I took that off the table once we had a kid (unless shit gets incredibly bad). I had a parent pass away after a long illness that required round the clock care, both of us have struggled with depression, his parents retired and have stayed with us off and on for nearly a 3rd of the year, he purchased a house and we moved in together, he bit off a bit more than he could chew in house projects, etc. I was unemployed for 6 months. So, I choose not to have leaving be an option. We had a lot of stressors (a parent's cancer, severe depression, long term unemployment of the solo breadwinner, financial issues among others, all simultaneously) and eventually it got to us. Edit : I have a tendency to do this, too - and work hard to avoid it. The wind has been knocked out of me and I didn’t think that was something that I would be thankful for. You keep mentioning things you want him to do. Her about a year into our relationship the full brunt of it when I not. Opposite and vice versa on dates with just my husband and I just wonder if were. 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